It seems as if every time that I go somewhere with the clear intention of taking new photographs, a particular sequence occurs that is virtually identical from trip to trip. At first, I am a bit nervous about finding anything worthwhile. Perhaps this will finally be the photographic expedition that I completely lose it and cannot find a single landscape worthy of making a picture. Then I always find something that catches my interest and I start to make photographs, often large numbers of photographs, as I get excited by the various things that I'm seeing. My excitement continues to mount and I become certain that the images that I am making are the finest ever. My imagination runs wild and I become certain that if a gallery were to see these pictures, they would simply start throwing money at my feet. I am the master photographer, Ansel Adams couldn't hold a candle to my shoes. Finally, that evening I start to download my memory cards to my computer and closely look at the "incredible" pictures that I have been taking. One glance tells me that I have been totally delusional all day, that my photos are barely a step above total garbage, and I have been completely wasting my time, especially thinking that I might have any talent whatsoever. I am literally crushed and want to go home, or better still, crawl into a cave somewhere and never come out. This sense of ennui continues for days, though I keep taking pictures, why I don't know, since I am a horrible joke of a photographer. Finally, my trip ends and I go home, download everything onto my main computer, and start to make some prints. Mmmm, that picture isn't really so bad after all. And I kind of like the next one even more. Yes, the following one is truly awful, but the one after that holds up kind of well, now that I recall what I was trying to do with it. It seems as if I finally reach some type of equilibrium with my art, and I come away feeling that there is at least a little bit of hope for me as a photographer after all. So when can I take my next trip, as I'm sure I will do even better?
It's funny how different my trips with my wife are compared to those that I take alone. Elaine doesn't like to leave Florida in the beautiful months from mid-October to the end of May, but she hates the heat and humidity from June through October (most especially when a hurricane rolls through). So we travel together during the summer and my photo opportunities are constricted by meal times and making sure that she has a good place to sleep and especially to dine, as she is a stickler for healthy, nourishing food. But finding breakfast tends to kill sunrise pictures and dinner limits the sunset hours, so it forces me to be a bit more creative about getting my photos. When I am by myself, food is never an issue, always more of an afterthought, as I chase the light all day. Either way, photography, in spite of the anxieties that I expressed above, is always a joy for me.
Early Morning, Foggy Redwood Forest, Caspar, California July 2018